One-on-one

Oh, what little gifts these boys are.  I feel so grateful to have the two of them.  Still, sometimes I really wish they would have arrived "one at a time".  And it's not because of the extra work involved with twins.  I don't have any way of knowing whether the work with two the same age is really that much more than two of different ages.  It's that I'm really a person who bonds well one-one-one.  I can participate in group conversations, but I'm always much more comfortable talking with one person at a time.  And last night I was playing sitting on the floor with W on my lap and G was playing in the same room and I realized once again how much my attention is divided.  I really crave time to just focus on my relationship with one little boy.  I end up being "half-there" with each of them.  In last night's instance, I had W on my lap and he was interested in the water bottle, playing with the attached cap and I wanted to interact with him, but I was aware of G pushing his rocket ship across the floor and wanted to participate in that with him too.  So it didn't feel like I was having a satisfying time with either of them.  I have a constant stream of thoughts in my head that I need to make sure G sees me and I need to give W attention, etc etc etc.

This is what people call a first world problem, I realize.  Or perhaps more specifically, a 21st century first world problem.  I can't imagine that a United States farm wife in the early 1900s had the luxury of worrying that she wasn't able to give enough adequate play time to all 5-10 of her children.  I think she likely had much more pressing concerns.  Sadly, it's likely that today's second & third worlds also require the need to bypass such trivial thoughts.

So, yes, I realize I'm privileged to have the kind of life where these worries even exist.  Still...I'd like to RELAX a bit and enjoy these days more than my worries currently let me.  I think I need to build "Mommy & W", "Mommy & G" outings into our calendar.  Actually I think something simple like taking just G out to Target even without (maybe especially without?) a shopping list would be really satisfying.  Because there's two of them, I've taken them shopping a total of twice.  I'd like to do it more, especially to fit these in before they're talking & demanding the toys and treats they see!