Oh, what little gifts these boys are. I feel so grateful to have the two of them. Still, sometimes I really wish they would have arrived "one at a time". And it's not because of the extra work involved with twins. I don't have any way of knowing whether the work with two the same age is really that much more than two of different ages. It's that I'm really a person who bonds well one-one-one. I can participate in group conversations, but I'm always much more comfortable talking with one person at a time. And last night I was playing sitting on the floor with W on my lap and G was playing in the same room and I realized once again how much my attention is divided. I really crave time to just focus on my relationship with one little boy. I end up being "half-there" with each of them. In last night's instance, I had W on my lap and he was interested in the water bottle, playing with the attached cap and I wanted to interact with him, but I was aware of G pushing his rocket ship across the floor and wanted to participate in that with him too. So it didn't feel like I was having a satisfying time with either of them. I have a constant stream of thoughts in my head that I need to make sure G sees me and I need to give W attention, etc etc etc.
This is what people call a first world problem, I realize. Or perhaps more specifically, a 21st century first world problem. I can't imagine that a United States farm wife in the early 1900s had the luxury of worrying that she wasn't able to give enough adequate play time to all 5-10 of her children. I think she likely had much more pressing concerns. Sadly, it's likely that today's second & third worlds also require the need to bypass such trivial thoughts.
So, yes, I realize I'm privileged to have the kind of life where these worries even exist. Still...I'd like to RELAX a bit and enjoy these days more than my worries currently let me. I think I need to build "Mommy & W", "Mommy & G" outings into our calendar. Actually I think something simple like taking just G out to Target even without (maybe especially without?) a shopping list would be really satisfying. Because there's two of them, I've taken them shopping a total of twice. I'd like to do it more, especially to fit these in before they're talking & demanding the toys and treats they see!